Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
