I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
