Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
