I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
