So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
