hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
