I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
