just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
