:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
