Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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