I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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