I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
