he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
