Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
