I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I need water and some morals
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
