yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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