So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
