i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
they're like a gay fantastic four
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
