He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
