i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
