i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
