I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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