So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
