none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
