Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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