I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
