This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I have tasted many bathrooms
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
