I want to walk on stilts...naked
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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