There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
