Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
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Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
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You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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