shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
