Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
COCAINE IS GR8
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