Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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