I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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