the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
