if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I think I have vodka in my lungs
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
