unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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