Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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