i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you will always have a special place in my vag
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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