he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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