sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
