I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
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She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
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but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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