it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
