I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
All I want is dick and wine.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
