My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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