That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
