I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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