Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
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