I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
this is an emotional support booty call
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
