He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
