my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
