we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
