He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
