I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
