I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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