Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
