So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
