I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I miss vodka workout Fridays
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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