I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
