dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
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