No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
