Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
