hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize