If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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