Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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