watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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