Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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