I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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