I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
