i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
